ReView: Why Didn’t You Tell Me? by Carmen Rita Wong

“Sometimes I have to remind myself that my mother may have blended the concrete, but I am the architect.”

Why Didn’t You Tell Me? by Carmen Rita Wong is a stunning, thoughtful true journey about what it means to understand oneself and our place in this world; of how all the things orbiting our identity (race, family, career) determine and influence how we see ourselves and the world around us.

Carmen's story begins in Harlem, where she is immediately immersed in the vibrant cultures from both her Dominican mother and Chinese father’s backgrounds. When her mother eventually remarried to a White man in New Hampshire, it is viewed as a fresh start and the beginning of a white picket fence fantasy. Her identity had always been a bit complicated but the new setting, her new dad (and future siblings) add complication to her understanding of herself. Doubt builds as she grows up looking and feeling different from the rest of her family, leading to a lifelong journey to find an explanation and validation of this feeling.

We follow Carmen into her adult life, making a career for herself as a financial expert, as questions still persist about who she is, where she came from and how she understands herself. It's an exploration of nature vs. nurture, of what we carry with us, what we are and are not able to shed. Life-changing revelations continue throughout her life, showing understanding ourselves is never really over. 

Wong is a beautifully gifted writer, and her writing throughout is always incredibly engaging and thoughtful. Immediately, she is a commanding and approachable narrator in the story of her life. At times tender, at times funny, and overall should be an example to future memoir writers on how to tell your story your way.

Her story is fascinating and unbelievable, but given the beating heart her writing provides, we are able to take a few steps in her shoes. Absolutely stellar.